Posted on 26 Aug, 2009 -
A Life Full of Disappointment and Joy
Why your feelings of disappointment and depression could reflect how great your optimism and dreams of joy can be
And if life, society, the world and even the state of our economy seem disappointing as well, it is surely partly because our dreams for what they could be have been so full of optimism and enthusiasm...
I was talking with a friend the other day about the disappointment involved with gardening. Tomatoes that never go green. Plants that fail to thrive. And whole crops that get decimated by slugs.
The small anecdote she had for me as compensation was interestingly heartening.
Apparently she had been talking to her 80 year-old neighbor about the same subject just a week or so before. A keen and dedicated gardener of more than 50 years, his comment to her was still: “But that’s the thing about gardening, Kate: Eleven months of hard work followed by one month of disappointment.”
In some ways, perhaps, this view might have a very defeatist air about it, but in an other ways it is very beautifully human. And full of a life-embracing humour too.
Life is a heady mixture of disappointment and joy
I had been thinking, you see, about the same subject of human disappointment while lying in a hammock on my annual holiday this year (the only place, I thought, that the kids wouldn’t be able to find me).
It is not, I thought, actually surprising that we experience the moments, periods or levels of depression and disappointment that we do - both as individuals but also as societies as a whole.
Mankind is capable of such incredible levels of optimism, confidence and sheer audacity in its aims and dreams, that a certain amount of disappointment or let down are inevitable.
As a race we have been driven by such astonishing levels of hope and ambition that have lead us not only to fly but build double decker jet planes and put man on the moon. Our drive to create fairness and security within society have lead us to create governments, democracy and the welfare state. We have taught ourselves how to transplant hearts, send our voices through wires and create legal systems that protect the weak.
If our own dreams are sometimes dashed is it because we dare to dream so big
On a personal and individual level, is it not inevitable given the high hopes we start off with of finding love, beauty, truth and unbridled success or fame that we end up being at least a little disappointment or disillusioned with the complexity, ambiguity and less than perfect reality we end up finding?
Even events such as birthdays, parties, holidays, new jobs or assignments can lead us to feel at least a pinch of disappointment. But why? Because, despite thousands of days of experience to the contrary, we still have the wonderful optimism and enthusiasm that makes us believe that this is going to bring us perfect bliss.
Indeed, what is most amazing, perhaps, is that despite all our disappointments, we keep on dreaming, keep on trying, keep on aspiring for better.
On the level of us as a society, for example, take the idea I mentioned above of our amazing democracy and welfare state. Is it not interesting that despite what we have achieved, our focus is continually on what is wrong with it and how we can make it better?
If we are somewhat disappointed in the state of our economy, the job market and our worrying public debt, is it not because we are able to dream of the possibility that all people in our society (and even world) might live a full and plentiful life and that financial difficulties or worries could be completely eradicated?
Are there other goals we should aspire to instead of happiness?
What incredibly optimistic, idealistic and even romantic dreamers are the human race at heart. And in many ways I believe that is our greatness. A greatness, perhaps, that it is worth consciously aspiring to?
You see, when I initially thought of the topic of ‘disappointment and depression’ I thought of it as something that we could alleviate, avoid or even cure. But have we not, perhaps, become a little too obsessed with finding and increasing our personal happiness?
Would it not be better to understand and accept the disappointment as the reverse side of our optimism, our enthusiasm, our dreaming and our greatness? To accept the disappointment and to go on bravely dreaming?
If our dreams have been crushed or our expectations disappointed then perhaps we should just start to dream some more?
The key to keeping sane
It may be essential, perhaps, in our journey to arm ourselves with the flexibility that will enable us to realise that we will often not get what we want or will have to wait or fight longer for it, or accept our gifts from life in a different form.
Indeed, it often amazes me how amazingly well the friends and family members around me accept and adapt to the events, disappointments and twists of fate that life throws at them. Given the amount of time we all spend dreaming about the future, it is incredible how quickly we adapt to receiving a different future to that we have dreamt of and make the most of what we have.
Making the most of what we have and being brave enough to dream of more. It is both our greatness and the powerful inner resource that enables us to live our lives with ongoing enthusiasm, dignity and depth.
Life Blesses Us All!
