Posted on 01 Dec, 2010 -
Are women happier than men now?
Is life better or worse since men and women became more equal?
Does it add even more to the pressure we’re all under - or does it take some of the pressure off?
And why is there such a HUGE difference between the % of the housework men say they do - and the amount women say the men do?!
Dear Reader,
Here’s a question for you: If you could choose to be born male or female today, what would you choose? And would your answer be the same if we moved the date back by 150 years?
Hmmm. Certainly gets you thinking. (And imagining various scenes from period dramas if your mind works anything like mine...)
And of course, changing gender roles is a very big issue these days. The thing that initially got me thinking on this topic, in fact, was a feature I caught on a CBS news show (while waiting to watch my husband talk on American TV but that’s a different story...)
The editor from Cosmopolitan magazine was on saying that 61% of men interviewed said that men today have a harder time than previous generations. They also had a sex and relationship therapist in saying that a lot of men are now suffering from low self esteem and low libidos. They do not feel that they are doing well at work, and do not feel that they are feeling the success that they ought to.
Are the changes in gender roles knocking the wind out of the men’s sails?
The lady from Cosmo magazine said that lots of women are now complaining that the men around them are less ambitious. But then it’s not exactly their fault. A lot of this, for starters, is due to the economy - and to the fact that so many younger men in particular are leaving college highly educated but with no jobs to go to.
And then there’s the very different ways in which we see the roles of men and women today - and the attributes, skills and behaviours that are expected of them.
For centuries, for example, men have been conditioned to be bread winners and therefore aggressive, dominant and independent. Women have been conditioned to be passive, dependent and subordinate. As many women now work at the same level as men - and men take on more of the traditionally “woman’s jobs” at home - it can be difficult for each sex to adapt.
The adaptation process, perhaps, has been harder for men than women. For while girls are now brought up to want a successful career and are given the same education as men, men are perhaps less well prepared for their new role. While women in the past missed out on education and the enjoyment of a career, men were also conditioned and socialised in ways that limited their development and choice.
In the modern work place in fact, the old aggressive, dog eat dog behaviours that might have been expected if you wanted to flourish in an office environment 50 years ago, would no longer be welcome. Which is why women with better listening skills, for example, might be promoted over the more traditional aggressive male.
According to research by the Families and Work Institute released in March 2009, women under 29 years old are just as likely as men to want jobs with more responsibility, for the first time in the survey’s history. About two-thirds of each group want more responsibility.
But can that many people really hope to get jobs with high levels of responsibility? And are the men ready to compete with the women to get them? Is high level of expectations not a problem, in fact, for both men and women. Not only is a lot expected of us (earn more, exercise more, be a good partner, be a good parent… floss before you go to bed)… but we all also have high expectations about what we should get out of life.
Time, I think, for a bit of good news…
Working fathers are spending an average of an hour more a day with their children under 13 than they did in 1977. Moms spend about the same time compared with three decades ago.
Men also spend more time doing chores around the home such as cleaning and cooking. Interestingly, though, while men thought they did about 40%, the women said it was only about 20%…
There are good sides to this and bad. On one side, it does mean that men feel that they are constantly working (no longer can he expect to come home and put up his slippered feet while his wife waits on him...).
Why we can feel happier if we have two roles instead of one
On a positive side, psychologist Hyde and Barnett from Brandeis University have discovered that men who held multiple roles also had better health. As Hyde explained, “We all have bad things happen to us in one role, but if we’re doing well and are successful in another role, we’ll feel better because we’re buffered.” So if a man is feeling negative about his work, for example, this may be countered by the positive feelings he gets from his family roles.
These benefits of having multiple roles can also, of course apply to women. If I’m feeling like a rubbish mum, for example, at least my work can prevent me from feeling that I’m rubbish at everything. (But then, I also don’t think young women today get as much satisfaction from their home-keeping skills as they have in the past. It’s just something you have to do.
Why the cause of the male midlife crisis is actually the aging of his wife
All interesting enough, but I’ve actually started boring myself now. This is all a bit serious, isn’t it?
So here are a few more fun facts from the book ‘Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters’ by Alan S. Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa:
Why men fare WORSE under polygyny. While men in monogamous societies imagine they would be better off under polygyny (i.e. They could have lots of wives), it’s actually women who benefit more from polygyny. Why? Because women under polygyny can at least get to share a wealthy man while under monogamy they are stuck with marrying a poorer man. Poor or undesirable men under polygyny don’t get a wife at all! The only women who lose out under the system are extremely desirable women who under monogamy get to monopolize the wealthiest men…
Why the Male Midlife Crisis is Actually a Myth. It’s often said that men go through a midlife crisis because they’re middle-aged. The truth, in fact, is that they go through the crisis because their wives are. From the evolutionary psychological perspective, men realise that their wives menopause heralds the end of their reproductive life and gives them the urge to attract younger women.
Interesting then that the 40 something men I know are now replacing the traditional red sports care phase with mountain bikes or vigorous training for the latest triathlon…
Hope you’re having a good week.
