Posted on 20 Oct, 2011 -
Are you an optimist or pessimist?
Why optimism can be so key to many great things in life - including happiness, resilience and good health!
But what exactly is it? Why is it so important? And how can you make your own optimism even stronger and more resilient?
Dear Reader,
I have been walking around for some weeks now with the vague idea floating somewhere in my head of writing an email about optimism.
This idea first started when I read in a new book called ‘Resilience: bounce back from whatever life throws at you’ a list of the five key elements of resilience. In descending order, say the authors Jane Clarke and Dr John Nicholson, they are:
1. Optimism
2. Freedom from stress and anxiety (Or the ability to manage it well)
3. Individual accountability (Believing in yourself and taking control of situations)
4. Openness and flexibility
5. Problem Orientation (Making decisions, cutting losses, learning from mistakes etc.)
It was not until today, however, that the idea of being optimistic jelled with me in a personal way and got me tapping away here at my computer.
How a bout of loathing lead me to an optimistic turn of heart
For the past few days I have been drowning in a bout of misanthropic malaise. As somebody who likes their own company and solitude, I don’t have that much need for other people’s company but normally do enjoy the company of others as long as it’s not too swamping. This week, however, I have wished that everybody would just go away and leave me alone.
In the Co-Op this morning buying blueberries for my breakfast, I found myself staring at the Halloween stuff in horror. I couldn’t stand the thought of having to open the door to other people’s children. The thought of holding a party for my own children and their friends horrified me. I even wondered if I could get away with not having to do anything at all.
And then… horror upon more horrors… was the horror of Christmas. The horror of having to try to be nice to other people. Of having OTHER PEOPLE in my home. Of HAVING TO BE AROUND OTHER PEOPLE.
And it was hardly as if I was being selfish in thinking like this because it was making me really miserable too. I just couldn’t help it… I was going through one of those times.
Optimism: the belief that things will get better
And then, as I was (reluctantly) walking into town to buy a present for my niece, it suddenly dawned on me:
These awful crowded and people-hating feelings I was having might not be here to stay forever. They may go away. And I may, just may, be happy again and not have to abandon my family and spend all my money on a flight out of the country to avoid the company of others at Christmas.
This, I felt, was the power of optimism: the ability to see that things will get better from how they are now; to believe that life does normally go quite well.
But what exactly is optimism, I thought? Why do some people have more of it? And why is it such a useful trait (or indeed outlook on life) to have?
A whole lot of strength in just a switch in outlook
Going back to the Resilience book, the authors say that of all the resilient people they interviewed, all of them described themselves as being optimistic.
Optimism, of course, is seeing the glass as half full. It is about seeing beyond difficulties and in fact seeing the silver lining even in disaster. It is also, as I found out today, about believing that things will get better. And, as the title of a really brilliant book I own by Byron Katie says, ‘Loving What Is’.
” Optimism encourages people to feel positive about themselves, about other people and about the world’s general direction of travel… Optimists are therefore likely to view change positively, and to be more confident about what the future holds - and that they will be able to cope with it.”
From Resilience: bounce back from whatever life throws at you
The impact of pessimism on depression
Interestingly, I have just been reading in another book, ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies’ that one of the biggest blocks that prevent people from getting better from any kind of psychological/emotional issue is when they refuse to believe that change is possible.
Especially when it is mixed with a negative opinion of yourself, a pessimistic outlook can be a recipe for depression.
Why optimism is so good for you
Optimistic people are apparently happier, healthier, more likely to live longer… more likely to get what you want out of life… and more likely to bounce back from tough times.
So what can we do to make sure we’re being constructively optimistic, not too blindly optimistic - which is less desirable - and keeping our healthy levels of optimism up? Here are a few ideas:
Choosing what to see, what to think and how to act. Whenever you are confronted with a new situation, spend time collecting rational information about the situation. Where possible, put more energy into concentrating on the positive. Either filter the negative out or - where it is more sensible - think about how you can deal with this negative so that it doesn’t affect you so badly.
In an article in the Harvard Business Review, for example, Diane Coutu described Morgan Stanley’s approach to having offices in the World Trade Tower as an example of pragmatic optimism. Before they moved in and long before 9/11, Morgan Stanley realised that the Twin Towers were a potential terrorist target. Instead of being either too pessimistic or too optimistic about the situation, however, they chose to simply rigorously drill their employees on how to evacuate in case of an emergency.
On the day of 9/11, they succeeded on getting all but seven of their 2,700 employees safely out of the building.
You will also need to think creatively to see the positive sides, the potential, or the opportunity in some situations. Try, for example, thinking about a negative aspect in your life you’re having to deal with right now. Then spend a few minutes thinking ‘out of the box’ about how it could actually be beneficial to you.
In order for your optimism to pay off, you may also need to work on selling your optimism to others and getting other people on board with your plan.
Believe that you can make things happen, believe that you can make a difference. “Optimists tend to believe that they can make a real difference, that they can take positive action to influence events and circumstances. They tend to have what psychologists call an internal ‘locus of control’ - they, not outside events or influences, are responsible for, and can effect change.”
Examine your thoughts and try a bit of Byron Katie’s ‘Work’. When you’re feeling bad about something that’s happening in you or to you, take a good look at what you’re telling yourself about the situation. Write the strongest thoughts you have about the situation down on a piece of paper. Then ask yourself Byron Katie’s 4 big questions about this thought or belief:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought? And turn it around.
You see - it’s easy when you know how… !
Wishing you an optimistic week ahead.
