Posted on 12 Jan, 2011 -
Feeling GOOD
How Vincent van Gogh stops me feeling too sick or miserable
Quick tips for dealing with self-criticism, decreased health and this cold and miserable weather
Why it can actually make you happier to think about bad times in the past!
Dear Reader,
Propped up against the wall at the back of my desk I have a postcard of Vincent van Gogh’s painting, The Yellow House. On it is depicted a bright yellow house on a baking hot street in the South of France. The colours are vivid. The sky is an amazing deep blue. And the sun beats down so hot that the sand might turn to glass.
I have to keep looking at this picture to remind myself that the world is not always cold and dark and rainy. Because - between you and me - this weather can get me down a little.
And we’re no just imagining it. Every winter in the UK, 25,000 to 30,000 deaths are linked to the cold weather. Being cold can make you miserable and sick - leading to heart attacks, stroke, pneumonia and depression.
So what can we do about it? Here are a few random, rambling and and unconnected tips to keep your spirits and temperature up over the coming weeks…
Ward of feelings of depression by avoiding self-criticism. The miserable weather and wintry darkness can sometimes lead to a darkening of our thoughts and moods. One of the first books I’ve selected from my shelves this week, therefore, was ‘Feeling Good’ by David D. Burns M.D.
“One of the key causes of depression” says psychiatrist Dr Burns “is self-criticism. This takes the form of an upsetting internal conversation in which you constantly harangue and persecute yourself in a harsh, unrealistic manner.”
The thoughts that we think about ourselves and our lives can make us feel terrible. This is especially the case when we engage in over-generalisations, jumping to conclusions blown completely out of proportion… or what is known as ‘black or white’ or ‘all-or-nothing’ thinking.
We may, for example, start calling ourself a stupid or bad person or a loser because of one small thing we have done wrong. We sometimes judge our performance as either ‘great’ or ‘terrible’ - with no room for ‘normal’ or ‘average’. Or we can brand a certain situation or relationship a ‘disaster’ because of one recent event, disappointment or argument.
Think positively about your health. As well as looking after your health by eating well and keeping moving, you can make a big difference to the strength of your health and immunity by thinking positively about it. Studies show that people who think their health is poor die earlier than those who rate themselves as healthy. People who are ill also seem to get better quicker when they have a more positive view of their state of health.
Look after yourself as if you were your own parent. As an old friend of mine used to say, “You’ve gotta look after yourself, ‘cos nobody else is going to.” And I’ve gained a lot of strength and happiness from that thought over the years. Treat yourself as if you were a child you wanted to love and care for - nurture and feed.
It is important to feel included - and that you contribute to the world. Especially in winter when we spend so much time indoors, it’s important to feel that you belong to and take part in the world outside your four walls. Those of you who took part in my big Weightloss Survey a year or so a go should know that your words may well feature in the dozens of stories and ideas that feature in my new weightloss book that’s based on the amazing success and failure stories of REAL people.
Push yourself to make an effort to meet up with others - and remind yourself of the roles you play in other people’s lives.
There’s always more time to be and do your greatest. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned the famous Japanese painting called the Great Wave. Today I received an interesting email on the subject from a reader Susanna who said that the artist of that painting was a famous artist of his time who made a lot of money. However, when he was in his 80’s his grandson gambled all the money he possessed and as a result he had to start painting and the great wave is a result of his endeavours.” As Susanna pointed out, his best was his last… There’s always more time ahead to be our greatest!
Indoor lighting can be crucial when the skies are so dark. With many dark days still ahead of us, do what you can to light up your life with good lighting. If you normally come home from work to a dark home then invest in a timer so that a lamp can come on before you get home. It’s also a great way of protecting your home from burglary. Candles are a great way to add light and warmth to a home too.
Think about an unpleasant event or time from your past. I know this one sounds counter-intuitive but hear me out. Studies on both men and women have shown that thinking about negative past events actually boosts our happiness in the present. The main reason for this is that our minds work largely on a comparison basis. If things are going comparatively well today compared to what they were during a certain period or event from your past then thinking about that time will make you feel lucky!
On the flip side, of course, dwelling on past happiness - or past loves, experiences, successes etc - and comparing them to what you have now will make you feel worse.
KEEP WARM. If keeping warm means wearing a hat and scarf and an extra pair of socks indoors then do it. Keeping active is also vital as it gets your circulation going and therefore keeps you warmer. If you can, try to move around at least once an hour and don’t sit down for long periods of time. Sipping hot drinks through the day will help keep you warm. Also remember that warm foods are better in the winter when the digestive system is more sluggish and you need heating from the inside.
Dealing well with criticism or a perceived lack of success. Going back to Dr Burns and our propensity for harsh self-criticism for a moment, those who are particularly prone to it can also be very sensitive to criticism - even when it’s constructively delivered. As Dr Burns points out, however, it’s not what the other person says that really hurts but the things you keep telling yourself afterward.
“ When another person criticizes you, certain negative thoughts are automatically triggered in your head. Your emotional reaction will be created by these thoughts and not by what the other person says.” And the same is also true about the things we tell ourselves about how we’re judging our own performance.
Watch out for negative thinking that brings your mood down and makes you feel bad about yourself. When you spot that voice saying negative things about you, try speaking back to it.
If you find yourself thinking “I never do anything right.”, for example, answer back with something like “Forget that! I do some things right and some things wrong, just like everyone else. I fouled up on one thing here, that doesn’t mean I foul up on everything.”
Best wishes and take care
