Posted on 11 Mar, 2009 -
How to be GOOD - and why it’s good for you
Here’s the email that YOU wrote:
Treat others as you would like them to treat you
Be nicer to other people
If you follow this rule, you’ll immediately start feeling the benefits that it returns. If the whole society starts to follow it then the future will be a better place to live in.
Or should we just blame all the rot on Maggie Thatcher and a corrupt market economy?
First of all, a big thank you to everybody who wrote in with their views, ideas and information about the state of our countries’ morality and values. It was all enormously useful, interesting and heartening.
One thing I found particularly interesting was how many people had the same answer for what we all pretty unanimously saw as a problem: basically, that we should all show more RESPECT and kindness to our fellows and follow, in particular, the maxim ‘Do as you would be done by’ or ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’.
Known in Christianity as the Golden Rule and in philosophy as the ethic of reciprocity, this sage piece of advice has in fact appeared in the writing of almost every faith.
Confucius, for example, said: “Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.”
Muhammad in his Farewell Sermon said: ‘Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you.’
So how exactly do we put this advice into practice - and why is it so important?
As the grand old 17th Century French mathematician and philosopher, Blaise Pascal, said
“All the good maxims have been written - it only remains to put them into practice.”
But why exactly should we? What is in it for us?
Well how about for starters that it makes the world a better place to live in - not just for those we treat well but for ourselves as well.
I particularly like the way one reader, Ann, spelled out the benefits and the consequences:
You want people to be nice to you, don’t you? Point made.
You want people to be warm and generous to you? Point made.
You want to be forgiven for mistakes? Point made.
You want people to give you that most precious of gifts, their time? Point made.
You want understanding? Point made.
You want to feel included, not left out? Point made............. “
We have lost a sense of community and aim instead only for our own personal and insular gains
A large part of the problem that many of you have pointed out is that during our years of economic growth and almost singular concentration on that value or aim, we have all become somewhat insular, individualistic and selfish. While it might seem that concentrating on improving your own personal lot would lead to increased pleasure and happiness for you, it often seems the case that the reverse is actually true.
As one 21-year-old reader from South Africa put it:
“We have, in many ways, forgotten that the people around us are just that, people. In our quest to be professional and efficient, we neglect the fact that the person we are dealing with wakes up in the morning and goes to the toilet, he may have a wife with kids and an angry mother or father. We hide our humanity behind titles and make objects of each other.”
I also loved this quotation from Shakespeare’s Hamlet sent in by Andie:
“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
To what extent is the government to blame?
A number of you also pointed out the extent to which you think that government are to be blame for this development:
“I believe the rot started in the seventies when Thatcher initiated a culture of greed”
“I think politicians and heads of industry deliberately encourage greed, selfishness and thoughtlessness as its in their interests to do so....capitalism and consumerism has spun out of control, with resulting collapses of economies,and the destruction of the planet....
“A basic spiritual appreciation of life itself, and a value of, and respect for the earth is wholeheartedly necessary for a new shift in consciousness. The controlling elite do not want this.....they want control, and manipulation by fear, and financial power. Just look at the banking system,corruption,and over use of CCTV to see proof of this.”
Indeed, it is beginning to become clear to me at the moment that the reason why our whole financial system is collapsing is because the moral foundations on which it was originally built are disintegrating.
Markets originally developed as a place where we felt we could come together and deal with honesty, equality and fair practice. Half of the values upon which our economy was originally built seem to have gone out of the window. Everyone from plumbers to Peers are happy to throw all sense of moral rectitude out of the window if it will make them some extra cash.
Do as you would be done by? Is there any doubt about why our systems have collapsed?
If this simple idea was put into practice by all, what a wonderful place this world could be
Another very interesting idea that came up in many of your emails was the idea behind the book and film called ‘Pay It Forward’. The idea is that instead of wanting direct benefit from doing somebody a good turn, we should hope instead that the person we have been kind to will spread happiness and good will forward by doing a good deed for somebody else.
Take, for example, this true story sent to me by reader, Ailsa:
“I was much impressed by this concept and do try to put it into practice from time to time. For example, I was behind a cosy-looking middle-aged black lady in a supermarket queue, who put down two or three articles for checking out. When she discovered she had left her purse behind, rather than have her leave the things I paid the £5-odd for her. Actually I did feel rewarded by her grateful disbelief and by the way she hugged and hugged me, but anyway since I wouldn’t entertain her paying back the money, she said she would give it to charity. “No don’t,” I said (by necessity several times!), “do something similar for someone else.” I would love to know if she did or what she did.:
Are our changing economic times already making a difference?
‘Greed’, of course, was another central theme in many of your letters. Also that people have come to expect lots of money without having to (or enjoying the satisfaction of) working hard for it:
“children’s role models have become the superficial glitterati of football players and “supermodels"."
“Respect for oneself has a lot to do with acceptance of responsibility. Being responsible also means making decisions and sticking to them. Unfortunately, the social state has been telling us for years that we have no need to make decisions, since it has taken over this role for us, and we no longer need to worry about such things.”
“Its all about money....how much does he earn...I want my house....HOUSE BEAUTIFUL immediately....We had to wait...and what pleasure we had when we could eventually afford items....it was like Christmas for both of us. The value has gone out of everything...like respect for each other...or members of the services...be it Police, Nursing Profession or Firefighters, I have an adult child (married) in each of these services, it is shocking what they have to endure during the course of their work...which is helping people.”
On the good news side, however, a number of you have already noticed or thought that the financial challenges of recent times are actually going to make things better. One reader in particular who had already traded in his ‘good’ job as a commercial insurance broker for a better life running a cafe on an industrial estate said:
“it seems to me that when times are good and people have wealth they become insular and like to show off and brag. When times get difficult and people start to struggle they become friendlier and more easy going… People are talking more. Customers coming in to my shop, who before may not have passed the time of day, are now conversing with us and other customers.”
Spread a little happiness - and happiness will come to you
I would love to quote even more of the brilliant things that so many of you had to say but the document I cut and pasted them all into run to some 30 pages of tight copy.
I will therefore have to suffice with saying thank you to you all again and to end with these few final thoughts:
“A bit ago I was struck by a television programme where some research was done on characteristics considered the most desirable and important by a group of primary school children. It was depressing that with only one exception the boys plumped for being riches and power. Much more encouraging were the girls’ (almost universal) choices of kindness and health.”
“If you are good you can’t help being happy, and if you are happy you can’t help being good.”
“I follow the mantra it’s nice to be nice, I often take time out of my life to help people whether I know them or not to assist if it’s within my power to do so. I do this regardless of whether the good deed is to be returned or not. It not only puts a smile on their face put puts a smile on my heart - that is what I call self actuation!”
“the best we can do, I think, is to constantly examine our motives and the consequences of our actions and be ready to admit our mistakes so that we can try to correct them.”
“The one thing that few people realise is that we live in a miracle whether we like it or not we cannot explain where and how life began, IT IS A MIRACLE, that we are here and with all the billions of years of trial and error through evolution this is the gift that we are given and we must cherish every moment of our short lives and strive to spread happiness.”
Putting the maxim into practice
The message seems to be that for a better world and a feeling of more “dignity” (thank you for that word, Peter) in ourselves and our behaviour, we should actively go out of our way to be nicer to each other.
Each time you interact with another person in your life, be thoughtful about treating them in a way that you might like them to treat you - whether it is your spouse, your child, your mother, a work colleague or just somebody behind you in the queue.
As reader Janis said in her lovely email, it is a case of ‘little gestures of goodwill, to spread a little happiness”.
“A basic spiritual appreciation of life itself,” says Joanna “and a value of, and respect for the earth is wholeheartedly necessary for our society’s shift in consciousness.”
And, a final word from author and Life is a Bag of Revels reader, Steve N. Lee:
“I can’t see anything wrong in a desire to indulge in ‘moderation, justice, courage and wisdom’. By doing so, we’d surely create a better world, brimming with the kind of social justice few of us even dare dream about, than we are ever going to do on our current path.”
All the best for a brave new world.
