Posted on 26 Nov, 2008 -

How to be seductive!

A bit of fun - or an important lesson in human nature?

Why learning a few ‘tricks’ from the Art of Seduction could actually help you:

Take a few useful lessons from the Duke de Richelieu...

Many years ago when publishers used to send me books to review, I received a copy of a book called ‘The Concise Art of Seduction’ which I can only presume I would have thrown to one side and eventually given a place on one of my overflowing bookshelves.

Perhaps it was the Beethoven sonata I was listening to… the angle of light that caught it’s spine… or indeed something alluring in that word ‘seduction’… but here I sit today leafing through its pages and smiling and nodding my head.

I have been laughing outloud as I think of at least a couple of men I have encountered who must have read such a book and attempted to use its methods (on one occasion successfully I must add!). I am also been tickled and amused by the stories of rakes from history and literature such as the Duke de Richelieu who had a particular penchant for seducing young religious women.

Increasing your desirability and charm in the eyes of others

But aside from the fun and obvious exaggeration, there is actually a lot in this book that I think could be useful. Whether you want to attract a potential mate, attract new friends or make a strong connection with your boss, adding a little power of seduction to your methods can only be a bonus.

And let’s face it, personal communication skills are not only highly desirable in the workplace but also extremely beneficial in our social activities. Charisma can get you a long way in life and learning it, apparently, is not as difficult as you might think.

Unless you’re a psychopath then I think following author Robert Greene’s 24-step Seductive Process to the letter is 24 steps too far. If you simply want to learn how to add a little natural edge to your social presence or capture somebody’s attention, then I’d like to offer you my potted and selected version of what Mr Greene has to teach you about the art.

Four secrets to making yourself Charismatic!

One of my favourite parts of the book, for example, is his description of what makes for a charismatic person - as well as how, of course, you can give yourself these qualities. While some of these I found perhaps too difficult to create, most of us could pull off the following four traits to add an air of charisma to our person:

Purpose: “If people believe you have a plan, that you know where you are going, they will follow you instinctively. The direction does not matter: pick a cause, an ideal, a vision and show that you will not sway from your goal.”

Uninhibitedness: The more spontaneous, fearless and uninhibited you can be, the more powerful a person you will appear. Others around you who suffer from the repression of self, enthusiasm and emotions that is common in our society will want to be near you.

Be seen to radiate yet need love: Charismatic people come across as people who need love and affection but also freely give it. “Nothing is more seductive to people than the feeling that they are desired.”

Be brave and adventurous: Any sign of timidity or cowardice will ruin your chances of being seen as charismatic. Be bold and courageous in the things you do and give off an air of adventure and risk-taking that will seem like a breath of fresh air in a stale situation.

7 steps to attract another’s attention and become an alluring and attractive figure…

I’m a little unsure about whether a meticulously planned seduction offensive is the best way of going about our social lives, but I did immediately find myself agreeing about how and why many of the methods that the book recommends could be effective.

Whether you follow them to the letter in an attempt to seduce a mate… or just use them to add a bit of confidence and effectiveness to your relationships with others, I’m sure you’ll find these seven suggestions fun, inspiring and actually useful:


1. Once you have chosen your target, start positioning yourself more in their life discreetly and interestingly rather than bluntly. Instead of approaching them directly, haunt the periphery of your targets life. “Arrange an occasional ‘chance’ encounter, as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted - nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny.” Even once you have hooked them, remain somewhat elusive, enigmatic and playful rather than plonking all your cards on the table in one go.

2. Give yourself an aura of desirability by showing that you are wanted by others. Surround yourself with people (especially of the other sex if you’re trying to attract a mate) . Give the impression that your company is always being requested by others. Stendhal even said that if there is a woman you’re interested in, you should pay attention to her sister…

3. Make the other person see you as an answer to their problems by targeting their needs, dissatisfactions, weaknesses, fears or unrequited desires. Are they bored, depressed, or in need of a boost to their self esteem? Work on deepening those feelings in them and then subtly present yourself as an answer.

4. Lead your target into desired actions by subtly suggesting or insinuating them rather than bluntly suggesting them outright. If you can make them think that the action or feeling was their own idea rather than yours then even better. Suggesting that your boss make you his deputy seemingly as a joke, for example, is perhaps more likely to work than bluntly suggesting it. Plant the seed of an idea in your targets mind and their imagination will do the rest of the work for you.

5. Flatter the other person’s ego and make them feel that you are compatible by subtly mirroring their tastes and interests and moods. This also works by making them feel that they are seductive to you and in charge of the relationship.

6. Feed the others boredom with mystery and surprises. We are all bored, says Mr Greene, and most of us can be stoked and kindled by a sense of surprise and adventure.

7. Poeticise your presence so that when others or ‘the other’ thinks of you, your image is associated with poetic images or heightened experiences. Perhaps, for example, you could take the person to a performance of their favourite opera. Or perhaps a strong picture on your desk at work would give you a certain image or aura.

Oh to be young again and have the opportunity to put these methods into practice!

Do please send me stories if you have any success with them! 


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