Posted on 18 Aug, 2010 -
My Gok Wan Story
What is it about each of us that makes our friends like us?
Probably not the things that we might expect to be respected for…
Plus: 8 key attributes of likeable people
Some time ago there was an episode of Gok Wan’s How to Look Good Naked which featured a very attractive young slim woman who felt terrible about her figure.
If you’re familiar with the programe then you’ll know that this is already quite unusual because the majority of people who appear on it are more worried about being overweight than too slim.
And then it got even more interesting.
The problem, it turned out, was that before she’d had children, the woman had been more plumpilicious, curvacious and busty. Working as a holiday rep in Europe she’d always had lots of fun, people had loved having her around and she felt confident about herself.
But then things had changed. Having kids made her slim. There were no longer big bouncy breasts. And her life was no long a whirr of bright photos in which she was smiling and having fun in a sombrero hat.
Everything that she had believed made people like her, it seemed, had suddenly disappeared and she no longer felt confident.
When your self image takes a knock remember why people REALLY like you
When something about our looks or our lifestyle or our work situation changes it can have a huge impact on our self image and confidence levels. Many people who lose their jobs, for example, experience a huge tumble in confidence levels. Many women do not feel like themselves if they’re caught without make up on…
For each of us, there are probably elements of our personality, our performance, our looks, our possessions or other that make us feel more confident. And other parts, perhaps, that make us feel more lacking.
But a big question to ask ourselves, I guess, is whether the people who love or like or admire us, do so for the reasons we might imagine?
Is it not often people’s weaknesses that make them just as loveable as their strengths?
And it is seldom a person’s CV or expensive car that makes us choose them as a friend - but rather that they are just a nice person to have around.
What exactly DOES make people likeable?
I have been doing lots of searches through websites and books to find out what it is that makes people likeable and the answer is NEVER big breasts, a big telly or even big personality.
Quite basically, likeable people tend to have the following attributes:
They have a positive attitude. They are enthusiastic about life, about other people and don’t moan too much or bring other people down with their negativity. You don’t need to be fun-loving and lively all the time but we do tend to be more attracted to people who make us feel more positive about the day and about life.
They are active and not work-shy. At work, for example, (and in life) we tend to prefer people who are doers rather than people who are always complaining about how hard things are. (Unless we are part of the moaner gang ourselves!)
They are open and friendly. Because let’s face it, people aren’t going to want to be friends with you if it doesn’t come across that you want to be friends with them.
They like other people and always seem to have time for you and seem interested in what’s happening in your life. After all, if we don’t want to be judged by others we should be more loving and less judging of others ourselves.
They try not to come across as self-pitying or insecure. They are confident enough to laugh at their own weaknesses and mistakes instead of depreciating everything they do or say.
They are honest.
They are agreeable and good listeners. We all like being around people who make us feel good - rather than people who are more concerned with feeling good about themselves.
They are physically appealing. This doesn’t mean you have to look like Penelope Cruz or Brad Pritt to attract friends. But people do tend to be more attracted to people who look after themselves, present themselves well and look happy, relaxed and pleased to see them.
So is being likeable something you’re just born with or something you have to practice and learn?
Probably a bit of both. Throughout our lives we are influenced by what is around us and what happens to us. We are also in charge of the project that is our own development as well - so there is always more we can do to improve ourselves and to improve our lot.
Research seems to suggest that the more likeable a person is, the more successful he will be in everything he does. So this is certainly something worth working on!
