Posted on 03 Jun, 2009 -
Stop Worrying, Start Living
* Why we worry too much about the little things - but not what really matters
* Why triumphing over your fears and doing it anyway can make you feel euphoric - and transform your life
* 11 tips for overcoming your worrying and living your life to the full
I’ve always found it strange that although we are so generally frightened of dying, so many of us are so frightened of living as well.
And life, of course, can be frightening. But the more we give in to fear and worry, the more joy, life, fulfillment and exhilaration we are missing out on.
So what can we do?
In his interesting book, How To Live Dangerously (Why we should all stop worrying, and start living), Warwick Cairns makes a very clever mockery of so many of the fears that seems to inflict our society today - yet have such a tiny chance of happening that we’d be more likely to be struck by lightening.
As Cairns says, for example, the chances of your child being abducted are so low that you’d have to lock them out of your house every day for 200,000 years before they were taken and even then you’d get them back safe within 24 hours.
Or how about the fear of flying that affects so many people? You’d have to fly every day for the next 26,000 years, he says, before you’d die in a plane crash - during which time you’d have died 20 times over driving to the airport.
The paradox: You should actually be more frightened of NOT cycling to work than of doing so
We also quite madly, he says, fail to worry about things that are actually really very dangerous and that we should worry about. The effects of smoking, of being overweight or of having a sedentary lifestyle are just a few examples.
So for example, even though cycling in traffic carries a risk of death and serious injury eleven times greater than making the same journey by car (according to the British Medical Association), it is still ‘safer’ to get to work and back each day by bike.
Why? Because while road accidents account for only a small percentage of deaths each year, heart and lung diseases account for over 50% of all deaths. Heart disease in particular will be the death of a third of us - although you can halve your chances of dying of heart disease by cycling twenty-five miles a week.
Two reasons why you should start taking risks and do what you fear
The feeling of fear, of course, is not a pleasant feeling. Even small tasks like asking for a pay rise or walking up to people at a social event can be so daunting for some that they prefer not to actually do it and forgo the potential gains.
But there are two VERY GOOD reasons why you should push yourself to take risks and overcome your fears. The first is chemical, the second is… well… you tell me what the benefits could be....
Chemically or hormonally speaking, our over-stressed, reticent society is doing itself no favours. The adrenaline-fuelled feeling you get with fear or worry is not a pleasant one yet many people live almost constantly in this state.
The hormone or chemical called dopamine that is released if you actually triumph over your fear and act, however, can feel truly wonderful and exhilarating. “In fact, a big dose of it, after a big scare, makes you feel more than good: it makes you feel euphoric. And so it should. What’s happening is that you are being rewarded for surviving, rewarded for doing whatever it was that you did to save your life. Your brain is saying, ‘Well done! Keep it up, old chap! And if you do, there’s more where that came from.”
“It’s a feeling of competence, of mastery, of success in the face of adversity, a feeling of being wholly and physically alive, right here and now.”
11 tips for overcoming your worrying and living your life to the full
Because we live in a society that worries about things it shouldn’t worry about, we get a lot of adrenaline but not a lot of dopamine.
So how can you personally reverse this trend? By worrying less, of course, and taking more risks!
More than anything it is a question of recognizing your fear and acting against and inspite of it anyway. You’ll not only get more of what you’d love to have in life but you’ll feel great about yourself and your abilities as well.
A few more things to bear in mind or experiment with include:
* Always remember that not doing what you’re afraid of often has a greater downside than doing it. If you allow your fear to stop you then you are missing out on the chance of not only a better life but also feeling great about yourself. Whether it’s in your love life, your work life or your social life, today’s small discomfort could lead to tomorrow’s greater happiness, success and wellbeing.
As mystical author, Paul Coelho, said, “Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won’t suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when the person looks back - she will hear her heart.”
* Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Most animals need to take risks in order to survive. Human beings have to take risks in order to succeed - whether it’s in money, love, getting recognition or power. So are you man or mouse?
* Take a reality check of your situation to understand what is truly at stake. Ask yourself to imagine yourself in 5 year’s time if you don’t take the risk or chance or decide to opt for change.
* Prepare for the worst to keep anxiety in check. In How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie says that it often pays to identify the worst-case scenario of the fear you’re facing. After you have identified what the worst possible outcome is, accept that possible consequence but also realise how unlikely that outcome probably is. You also need to trust that you are smart enough not to allow that particular consequence to happen.
* Recognize that it’s simply not worth your time to worry so much.
Worrying is exhausting, bad for your health and very seldom does any good at all. Try to catch yourself at it when you’re worrying too much about things that don’t really matter, or things or people over which you have no control… or events that won’t matter at all in a few weeks from now.
* Trust yourself and your own strengths. Next time you find yourself frightened of a situation, remind yourself that you are fully capable of handling the situation well. Develop a sense of trust in yourself to handle anything that comes your way. Understand your charms and strengths and remind yourself of the successes you have had in the past.
* Keep busy to counteract anxiety. The less we have to do, the more likely we are to have the time to worry or feel unhappy. If there’s too much going on in that head of yours, do something to distract it!
* Be sure about the gain. Ask yourself whether the potential gain outweighs the current risk.
* Explore what it is you’re actually frightened of. Sometimes we are put off doing something by nothing more than a general feeling of discomfort. When we sit down and work out what the actual fear is, however, we may often realise how silly it is - compared to what we have to gain. In taking a risk or making a change in our life, it will often involve letting go of a security of some kind. Make a serious assessment of the pros and the cons.
“Fear grows in darkness; if you think there’s a bogeyman around, turn on the light.”
Dorothy Thompson
* View risk as a challenge. Embrace excitement. Understand the risks involved and call on your own powers of resilience.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
Marianne Williamson
* Be willing to make a fool of yourself. Tell the truth about how you feel. Live your life as if this is your one and only chance. (Because it is!)
Whatever you decide to do, do it with panache. Do it with strength and bravery and certainty. If you succeed you’ll get that wonderful rush of dopamine. Even if you fail you’ll probably still get the rush because you’ve succeeded in trying.
The more you overcome your fears and do it anyway, the happier, more successful and more confident a person you will become!
“Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it.”
Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944)
Make sure you overcome your fears and do a brave thing every day!
