Posted on 15 Feb, 2008 -
Why Schadenfreude is good for you
Ever got a certain pleasure from another person’s misfortunes?
Don’t worry, it’s natural. As long as you’re good at heart and only think things that are evil, it may actually be good for you to be a bit mean at the edges…
Last week in my email, I ended up with this quotation from Dorothy Parker:
“If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come sit next to me.”
Now, no sooner had I sent that email, than I realised that I was being followed around by a shadow of guilt. Or perhaps not even so much guilt as fear of being found out…
You see, for many years now, I have felt somewhat perturbed by the fact that I am sometimes prey to the feeling of schadenfreude.
A word borrowed from the Germans, it means taking pleasure from others misfortunes.
Schadenfreude is the pleasure you might get from finding out that Posh spice has cellulite, that Richard Branson has erectile problems or that the the awful bigamist in the account’s department has just broken two ribs when he fell down the stairs.
It’s also a pleasure (a very guilty one normally mixed with feelings of deep sympathy and sadness) that we can even get glimmers of when even our friends suffer misfortunes.
But why do we do it?
As the 17th century moralist, La Rochefoucauld, said in his Maximes, “in the misfortunes of even our greatest friends we take a certain pleasure.” But rather than just try to sweep the issue under the carpet, I decided this time to dig around a bit in the subject and see if I couldn’t get to the dirty bottom of it.
First of all, I have discovered, competitive feelings towards those around us including our friends, acquaintances and strangers are normal. We could perhaps say that it goes back to times (not so long ago and always a threat on the horizon) when resources were scarce and you had to compete to get more of them. It is interesting to note on this point that we are more likely to feel schadenfreude towards famous people with a high level of good looks, success and or wealth - and towards friends who have more than their fair share of one or more of these.
On a competitive (or even survival) level, if the successful person has weakness then at least it leaves a little space for us. If they’re not so perfect then that makes me feel better.
And is it really so bad?
But should we feel bad about that glimmer of joy we get from others’ misfortunes? Well, that perhaps depends on how deeply you feel it - and whether it actually makes you ACT in ways that are unkind or malicious. If it is a minor glimmer of a thought crime alone then perhaps you should see it as no more than a little comic relief.
Because life, after all, isn’t easy for any of us. We try hard to make money. We try hard to be good, successful and attractive. No wonder that a study has shown recently that a certain amount of Schadenfreude can be helpful in relieving such stress. Laughing at another’s misfortunes can make us feel better about our own.
In fact, as Nietzsche said, “Humour is just Schadenfreude with a clear conscience.”
How could we feel good about ourselves if everybody else’s lives were perfect?
And perhaps it goes a little deeper than that still. After all, we can only have an idea of ‘self’ by having an idea of others. And if we walked around thinking that other people’s lives were better than ours then that would surely make us feel miserable. The fact that misfortunes befall others makes us feel more positive about our own lives.
So how about this? Rather than feeling shame whenever we are momentarily possessed by the somewhat unmagnanimous sentiment of schadenfreude, perhaps we could use it to find out a little about our own feelings of want and lacking.
Who are the people whose misfortunes tend to tickle you? Do you feel a funny smirk cheer you up inside when a beautiful, thin woman trips on a paving stone? Do you feel a certain sense of justice when a really wealthy person has another area of their life that is lacking? Or do you find yourself feeling relieved that at least most successful people aren’t happy?
Emotional evolution is just around the corner
Perhaps it is a case of feeling better about ourselves. Perhaps it is a case of needing a sense of justice in the world. It is even worth asking whether you actually feel that these people are bad in some way - or that they have not done enough to earn what they have achieved.
Are we bitter and twisted? Are we riddled with jealousy and revenge?
Of course we are - we’re human!
But what we can also do as humans is forgive ourselves our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us. We can be lead not into temptation but laugh at our own foibles and make damn sure that we don’t actually ACT in any way that is nasty or vengeful.
Hope in your heart that the skinny woman is happy and an amazing mother to her kids. Pray that the rich and successful man has a wonderful relationship with his wife. And one day the world will be a better place for all of us.
