Posted on 07 Mar, 2008 -
Yes, you need to relax more - but how exactly do you do it?
But what exactly do we mean by ‘stress’? And what measures can we take to avoid it?
How a fireman’s visit to my daughter’s school gave me a great stress-fighting formula that I’m passing onto you…
It’s funny. ‘Stress’ must be one of the most commonly used words in our society today. But how many of us really understand what form, colour or brand of stress we personally are under? Despite the fact that most of us know that it is affecting our lives, how few of us really take measures to explore the stress we’re experiencing and do something about lowering it?
Stress, quite simply is any emotional and physical strain caused by our response to pressure from the outside world.
We can suffer stress because life seems so difficult - and its demands so many. We can suffer stress because we are working so hard and are emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. And we can also suffer stress because of the high levels of anxiety that our constantly reeling and anxious thoughts produce in our minds and our bodies.
And many of the people I deal with, in fact, are suffering from a toxic cocktail of the three!
THE most important thing you can do to start reducing your own stress levels
Stress and anxiety, of course, are ENORMOUS topics and I could (and probably will!) write whole books about each. But until I find a magical formula for creating an extra five hours in every day - or somebody invents a way of injecting 200 page books into your brain - I wanted to get a few key ideas over to you in just the few minutes that we have.
First of all, the most important key to reducing your own brand or cocktail of stress is to take a REALLY CLOSE LOOK at what is causing it. Part of the problem with stress is that lack of awareness of what we’re stressed about can cause it to escalate out of proportion. Only by knowing what is causing it can we start to work out how to deal with it. Yet it’s funny how most people would rather carry on how they are than face the idea that they may actually have to change the way the live or are as a person.
Know your enemy - even if it is your own self…
Stress or anxiety is dramatically diminishing the quality of your life, your happiness, and your enjoyment of every hour. There’s also a big chance that it is reeking havoc with your health. So don’t you owe it to yourself to do something to start kicking the habit now?
Because yes it can be addictive. It can become a part of who you are. And many people are weirdly stubborn about actually doing anything to reduce it.
The following exercise is one that I have found useful in helping people see past mountains of different stress as a given in their life, and to actually come up with some breakthroughs for reducing it.
Find yourself a free twenty minutes to do this, free from any disturbances or pressing jobs that need doing and sit down with a pen and paper (or computer file if you prefer it). Then ask yourself the following questions: What things am I worried about? What things in life make me feel anxious or stressed? However small or large they may be, what are the specific details that make me so anxious or my life so stressful? Explore the question until you have a list of answers.
After you have written down your list of sources of stress, you are at the beginning of your journey towards finding some resolutions.
The answers you will begin to explore, of course, may involve many many things - from relaxation techniques to making changes in your lifestyle (and you really do need to apply yourself to that part of the journey of change).
You may be surprised by how easy answers can be once you’ve pinpointed the sources
Many people, for example, find that talking to key people about what’s stressing them can sometimes come up with instant and powerful solutions that they had never thought this person would be able to offer them. Whether it is a partner or a boss, a friend or even doctor, you’ll be surprised by how helpful other people will actively want to be.
And don’t forget to look at things in very practical terms as well. One lady I was working with the other day, for example, pinpointed one surprisingly big source of stress as the pressure of dealing with the washing up amid a hectic lifestyle and children. Once she had pinpointed the source of stress, however, she was quickly able to think up a better system which would take a lot of the stress out of her day.
What changes can you make to your daily routine that would take the pressure off?
What aspects of your life do you need to curtail in order to reduce the stress?
What avenues do you need to look into in order to cope better with the things going on - in both your life and your mind?
Or is it more a different way of thinking (or worrying) about the situation that you need to look into?
The second most important thing you can do: TAKE TIME TO RELAX
For many people, of course, learning how to retrain their thought patterns away from constant and disproportionate anxiety will be the major key with dealing with their stress. But that will be coming up in another future email.
For the time being, I’m going to have to repeat the unavoidable cliché that we all need to take more time to relax. Which is where my daughter’s fireman visit story comes in.
You see, the phrase that has caused much mirth in our household is: “Stop. Drop. Roll.” The actions you must take, apparently, if you ever find yourself on fire. And amusing to hear regularly repeated by our five-year old and now three-year old as well.
But it suddenly struck me yesterday that this would also make a good mantra for getting people to relax more. Only this time: Stop. Drop. UNRoll.
Instead of spending the whole day braced against life - a non-stop forward hurtling through the trials and tribulations - ensure, instead that you take STOP breaks through the day.
STOP whatever you are doing for just five minutes of relaxing, breathing, enjoying just watching life around you. Or simply doing nothing or looking at a nice picture.
DROP your shoulders and become aware of the tension you were holding in them. DROP the grip that your controlling muscles were exerting on your face. DROP the tension you were clenching in your stomach or your bowels.
UNROLL. Hang your hands heavy and loose. Close your eyes and take a slow deep breath in. As you let it slowly out feel it unrolling all the tension in your body.
Your mind and your body need this kind of break. Stress may not be as immediately or fatally dangerous as being on fire. But the idea of cooling the fire is not a bad analogy.
Stop. Drop. Unroll. And I’ll see you again next week.
